OLD KATE MULLINS

I have to tell you about Old Kate Mullins. In my home town people occasionally referred to some people being as dumb as Old Kate Mullins. I heard it all my early years. I asked my Mama one time who was Kate Mullins and why people said she was dumb. Mom wouldn't tell me, only smile and say she was a woman in town that people thought was dumb.

When I became an adult I asked Mama again about Kate Mullins and why people thought she was so dumb. Mama never talked bad words around us kids and I had never heard her use any. She said, "well if you really have to know, Old Kate Mullins was so dumb she wiped her ass before she shit". Well of course I was first shocked that Mama had said those two words out loud and then I started thinking how dumb that really was. I asked if she was real and Mama assured me she was.

I had kidded around with the saying in front of Wendy and Pam a lot after they grew up, and after numerous questions about her I finally told them how dumb she was. They never believed that she was a real person, just a joke.

A couple of summers ago my brother Bob, the slow talking brother, came out to stay with me for about a month. We stayed up at my lake house and we had a ball, sitting around all day, swimming in the hot summer sun, and reminiscing about old times. One night Wendy came up to visit us and we went out to supper at a spaghetti, pizza place. We were having a good time and Wendy loved to hear Bob tell his yarns and to just talk in general. Out of the blue Wendy said "Bob do you know Old Kate Mullins"? What happened next was good enough to be on T.V. Bob leaned up in his chair and said in his s l o w southern drawl, "awl----I knew ALL the Old Kate Mullines". At that Wendy, who had just took a big drink of her coke, spit all of it across the table all over Bob's pizza and in his face. Wendy immediately apologized, still laughing. Bob said, "awl---that's alright, the wet coke will make my pizza easier to chew".

I sure have got my money's worth out of Old Kate Mullins. Sure would have loved to met her. I've picked on Bob enough for now. See ya, as Bob would say.