Yesterday was a sad day for me. The date was December 9, 2009, five years from the date I lost my husband and best friend. Then in the afternoon I was told his mother had died. I was overwhelmed.
I am trying to look at things in a positive way but it is hard. I have had to struggle with my feelings about his mother for the five years my husband has been gone. I don't think she was treated with the respect she deserved. I felt so powerless to do anything about it. I suppose God will take care of all of those things. I wish I could have gone to church last night like I had planned but I didn't think I could hold myself together.
I suppose there's no real good way to die but I wish Mom could have had people around her when she left this world. I don't think anyone should die alone. I know she will be okay now so I guess the worrying and hurt are over. It will be a time of healing for a while and I have some work to do on myself. I must learn to forgive and I am not at a place right now to be able to do that, however I hope the day will not be so far away when I will be able to put the past in the past and look ahead. Goodness knows, I am far from perfect myself.
I do know all of this has taught me something valuable. Speak kindly of everyone or say nothing at all. I must treat others as I would want to be treated, and I must think before I speak.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Maybe I Should Get A Hobby
It is a cold and dreary Tuesday morning. I fed the dogs and let them out then took a long hot shower and ate my breakfast. Well, now what do I do? I see my net book on the desk and decide not to get started on it. Then it hit me. I haven't fed the fish and hamster. You didn't know I owned fish and a hamster? Well I didn't either until I started playing around with the things I chose to be on my home page. Now I feel guilty if I don't feed them every day. My hamster is named Elmo. I can't explain that one! The fish are all the same color so I can't tell them apart.
Now I do have things to do. My house doesn't have a single sign of Christmas in it and I have Christmas gifts to get. I just need a motivation to get started on these things and knock them out. I thought about ordering the presents over the internet but without supervision I might wind up with three or four of everything. Things pop up on this thing and I have no Idea what they mean or do. Something just popped up and ask me if I wanted them to change SOMETHING. I said no. I have no idea if I should have let them do it. SOMEBODY told me to be careful about web sites trying to fool me or stealing my information. Now I worry every time something pops up. I am still very new at this.
Come to think about it thi s is like a hobby. I enjoy it although I doubt if anyone would say I have an ounce of talent to write. I just get things off my chest by writting them down and it makes me feel better. I have a long way to go to learn about this machine. I asked it to see if a word was spelled correctly back in the first paragraph, now everything from that time on comes out in yellow. I wish I could get the spell check turned off but it's no use. I'm not smart enough to figure it out on my own. Maybe when this is posted it will be in black and white. If not, just pretend my favorite color is yellow.
The internet I am linked to has shut down three times now since I started this and my memory is very short so I'm not sure what this blogg was supposed to be about so I will go now. I have to feed my goldfish and hamster Gismo now. We'll chat again soon I'm sure. Bye now.
Now I do have things to do. My house doesn't have a single sign of Christmas in it and I have Christmas gifts to get. I just need a motivation to get started on these things and knock them out. I thought about ordering the presents over the internet but without supervision I might wind up with three or four of everything. Things pop up on this thing and I have no Idea what they mean or do. Something just popped up and ask me if I wanted them to change SOMETHING. I said no. I have no idea if I should have let them do it. SOMEBODY told me to be careful about web sites trying to fool me or stealing my information. Now I worry every time something pops up. I am still very new at this.
Come to think about it thi s is like a hobby. I enjoy it although I doubt if anyone would say I have an ounce of talent to write. I just get things off my chest by writting them down and it makes me feel better. I have a long way to go to learn about this machine. I asked it to see if a word was spelled correctly back in the first paragraph, now everything from that time on comes out in yellow. I wish I could get the spell check turned off but it's no use. I'm not smart enough to figure it out on my own. Maybe when this is posted it will be in black and white. If not, just pretend my favorite color is yellow.
The internet I am linked to has shut down three times now since I started this and my memory is very short so I'm not sure what this blogg was supposed to be about so I will go now. I have to feed my goldfish and hamster Gismo now. We'll chat again soon I'm sure. Bye now.
Monday, December 7, 2009
What's in a dream
I hear my daughter talk all the time about her dreams and what they mean in her everyday life. I have dreams, I must admit not as often as my daughter. She sometimes has several dreams in one night. The funny part of it is she remembers all of them. I dream sometimes but I rarely remember the dreams and if I do I don't expect them to relate to my present life, so I don't give them much thought.
Why do we dream and what do they mean to our life? I have often wondered if saying a prayer is somehow kin to dreaming. I sometimes sit on the back porch and dream of things I wish could happen and sometimes I pray that a certain thing will happen and if this thing does happen is it a wish come true or a prayer answered? I sometimes think they are one in the same. I do know God answers prayer because tw0 times in my life I have asked God to answer my prayer and he did with in minutes after I asked. They weren't prayers for me and I wonder if God answers your prayers for other people before He will answer one for you.
I'm not sure I am making much sense but somehow I think a dream is the same as a prayer. I don't guess there is a way to find out and why does it matter anyway? If your wish comes true are you as happy as you would be if you had it come to be because of a prayer? I'm not sure I will ever know the true answer and I don't guess it matters a whole lot. I do know that I have been blessed in life, probably more than I deserved.
I will continue sitting on the porch and dreaming and I know I will also continue to pray when I need a favor. I do know there is someone out there watching over us and directing our course.
Why do we dream and what do they mean to our life? I have often wondered if saying a prayer is somehow kin to dreaming. I sometimes sit on the back porch and dream of things I wish could happen and sometimes I pray that a certain thing will happen and if this thing does happen is it a wish come true or a prayer answered? I sometimes think they are one in the same. I do know God answers prayer because tw0 times in my life I have asked God to answer my prayer and he did with in minutes after I asked. They weren't prayers for me and I wonder if God answers your prayers for other people before He will answer one for you.
I'm not sure I am making much sense but somehow I think a dream is the same as a prayer. I don't guess there is a way to find out and why does it matter anyway? If your wish comes true are you as happy as you would be if you had it come to be because of a prayer? I'm not sure I will ever know the true answer and I don't guess it matters a whole lot. I do know that I have been blessed in life, probably more than I deserved.
I will continue sitting on the porch and dreaming and I know I will also continue to pray when I need a favor. I do know there is someone out there watching over us and directing our course.
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