Mixed Blessings

Yesterday was a sad day for me. The date was December 9, 2009, five years from the date I lost my husband and best friend. Then in the afternoon I was told his mother had died. I was overwhelmed.

I am trying to look at things in a positive way but it is hard. I have had to struggle with my feelings about his mother for the five years my husband has been gone. I don't think she was treated with the respect she deserved. I felt so powerless to do anything about it. I suppose God will take care of all of those things. I wish I could have gone to church last night like I had planned but I didn't think I could hold myself together.

I suppose there's no real good way to die but I wish Mom could have had people around her when she left this world. I don't think anyone should die alone. I know she will be okay now so I guess the worrying and hurt are over. It will be a time of healing for a while and I have some work to do on myself. I must learn to forgive and I am not at a place right now to be able to do that, however I hope the day will not be so far away when I will be able to put the past in the past and look ahead. Goodness knows, I am far from perfect myself.

I do know all of this has taught me something valuable. Speak kindly of everyone or say nothing at all. I must treat others as I would want to be treated, and I must think before I speak.

Maybe I Should Get A Hobby

It is a cold and dreary Tuesday morning. I fed the dogs and let them out then took a long hot shower and ate my breakfast. Well, now what do I do? I see my net book on the desk and decide not to get started on it. Then it hit me. I haven't fed the fish and hamster. You didn't know I owned fish and a hamster? Well I didn't either until I started playing around with the things I chose to be on my home page. Now I feel guilty if I don't feed them every day. My hamster is named Elmo. I can't explain that one! The fish are all the same color so I can't tell them apart.


Now I do have things to do. My house doesn't have a single sign of Christmas in it and I have Christmas gifts to get. I just need a motivation to get started on these things and knock them out. I thought about ordering the presents over the internet but without supervision I might wind up with three or four of everything. Things pop up on this thing and I have no Idea what they mean or do. Something just popped up and ask me if I wanted them to change SOMETHING. I said no. I have no idea if I should have let them do it. SOMEBODY told me to be careful about web sites trying to fool me or stealing my information. Now I worry every time something pops up. I am still very new at this.

Come to think about it thi s is like a hobby. I enjoy it although I doubt if anyone would say I have an ounce of talent to write. I just get things off my chest by writting them down and it makes me feel better. I have a long way to go to learn about this machine. I asked it to see if a word was spelled correctly back in the first paragraph, now everything from that time on comes out in yellow. I wish I could get the spell check turned off but it's no use. I'm not smart enough to figure it out on my own. Maybe when this is posted it will be in black and white. If not, just pretend my favorite color is yellow.

The internet I am linked to has shut down three times now since I started this and my memory is very short so I'm not sure what this blogg was supposed to be about so I will go now. I have to feed my goldfish and hamster Gismo now. We'll chat again soon I'm sure. Bye now.

What's in a dream

I hear my daughter talk all the time about her dreams and what they mean in her everyday life. I have dreams, I must admit not as often as my daughter. She sometimes has several dreams in one night. The funny part of it is she remembers all of them. I dream sometimes but I rarely remember the dreams and if I do I don't expect them to relate to my present life, so I don't give them much thought.

Why do we dream and what do they mean to our life? I have often wondered if saying a prayer is somehow kin to dreaming. I sometimes sit on the back porch and dream of things I wish could happen and sometimes I pray that a certain thing will happen and if this thing does happen is it a wish come true or a prayer answered? I sometimes think they are one in the same. I do know God answers prayer because tw0 times in my life I have asked God to answer my prayer and he did with in minutes after I asked. They weren't prayers for me and I wonder if God answers your prayers for other people before He will answer one for you.

I'm not sure I am making much sense but somehow I think a dream is the same as a prayer. I don't guess there is a way to find out and why does it matter anyway? If your wish comes true are you as happy as you would be if you had it come to be because of a prayer? I'm not sure I will ever know the true answer and I don't guess it matters a whole lot. I do know that I have been blessed in life, probably more than I deserved.

I will continue sitting on the porch and dreaming and I know I will also continue to pray when I need a favor. I do know there is someone out there watching over us and directing our course.

Crazy or Senile?

I hate to start out on a negative note but I'm not sure what I am doing anymore. Sunday I went to the Verizon store with my daughter to get her a new phone. After what seemed like half a day we left. My daughter had her new blackberry (what ever that is) and a Net Book and I ended up with a Net Book. Now I'm not sure if there is a difference in a Net Book and a Lap Top like I am writing on now.

May I remind you I am sixty six years old and this is my first computer. I confuse what should get one click to make it work or two clicks. I somehow lose what I have just written or it turns blue. I have no idea what that means. I just keep on typing and hope that doesn't mean that blue part will be deleted, in which case you won't know what I am talking about.

I must say, other than the frequent messes I get myself into, I am enjoying the computer a lot. I must however, learn when to click on things and when not to click on things. I have found myself brousing through a company that popped up magically on my screen ande before I know it they are asking me how I am going to pay for my order. WHAT ORDER? After I get over having a hot flash and the sweats I run my arrow quickly to the cancel button. So far the only thing delivered to my door step is a dog bed that I knew I ordered even if I already have --- oh I couldn't tell you right now how many beds I have. All I know is they line up around the kitchen walls and several in the den and at least four in the bedroom. Now it may sound like I am running a dog kennel but I assure you the dogs are all mine. I have four by the way. It seems funny that I am so set on having a bed for each dog in each room when they all end up laying around me, beside me, on top of me, or somewhere other than in a dog bed. Well, I do think the beds look pretty anyway.

I guess you can see by now that my dogs are a big part of my life. My children are grown and on their own and my husband is in Heaven so my dogs comfort me more than the average person can see. I talk to them all day and sometimes they talk back, always the Boxer(Shiloh) and the Chihuahia (Monty). You would think I would know everything about their habits but there is one thing that stumps me. Every morning at 6am they wake me up. I get up thinking they want to go out, but do they? No, they just want me to sit down in the recliner and turn on the TV so they can climb up on me instead of one of the many beds around the room. Some day I will get them to tell me why they do that. I love them just the same.

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you that I have five (5) grand-dogs too. Two are Shit-Zoos and one is a Boxer (the sister to my Boxer ), one white (I guess a mixed race) and one chocolate ( another mixed race) and I am the lucky one that gets to baby sit them too. I guess I don't really have a lot of time to kill but I think I will continue to chat on my blogg once in a while.

It's time to go next door and let three of my grand-dogs out. Must close for now but I will keep trying to learn more about the computer, that is if Wendy doesn't get fed up with the same questions all the time. Bye now.

Fresh Baked Blackberry Cobbler

Boy Oh Boy, there never was anything as good as Mama's Blackberry Cobbler. You see, she climed a bob-wire fence at the top of our lot and went way over the hill and through a pasture to pick blackberries. They were free and with seven mouths to feed it just made sense to go to all that trouble to pick the berries. Mama thought so anyway, the rest of us weren't so sure. Any of us kids that were home when she was ready to go had to go with her. She said she didn't have time to pick them all by herself plus she wouldn't be able to carry all of them home.

I liked the adventure of going just not the thorns I got in my hands and arms. I say I liked the adventure until one day when my older brothers were told they would be going. Mama said Jeanne, my oldest sister could stay home if she would wash up the breakfast dishes so Mama could prepare the berries for a cobbler to have for supper dessert. Jeanne was more than glad to stay home cause she wasn't a tomboy like me and she sure didn't like that bob-wire fence.

Mama handed out the buckets and off we went. I saw Jeanne grab a magazine and plop on the couch. I thought "boy she will be in trouble if she doesn't wash those dishes. Mama climbed through the bob-wire fence followed by Joe and then Bob. I yelled, "I can't get through this fence by myself." After all, I wasn't very old but Mama left Jeanne home with my little sister so I guess she thought Jeanne couldn't handle two of us. After getting through the fence I was pretty happy til Joe asked me if I had heard what happened at an old run down vacant house we were passing by. I thought I was going to hear something good, Bob snickered back at Joe and Joe said "hush Bob". I told Joe to go on with the story. Well I was very young.

Joe said that some years earlier a family lived there. Everybody in town was afraid of the old man. He beat his wife and the kids all the time. Sometimes the kids didn't come to school for weeks at a time and the wife was hardly ever seen. Joe told me to run fast past the house if I heard a loud moan coming from the house when we passed. I said "maybe we will see the kids and can play with them". Joe and Bob laughted to themselves and said "we'll tell you why you had better run for your life if anybody comes out of that house."

Mama said, "boys, stop all that whispering and come on. We don't have all day to get to the berry patch." "Ok, Mama" yelled the boys. We were a far piece behind Mama. "But Joe" I said, "you have to tell me." Joe continued on that one day the Mama and all the kids were murdered in that house and you could still see the blood on the floor. Bob made a moaning sound behind me and of course I thought it came from the house. I screamed and run hard to catch up with Mama and stayed real close to her. The boys laughted and talked to each other as we arrived at the patch of berries.

We picked what seamed a long time and I had my little pail full except I kept having to pick a few more to replace what I ate along the way. The boys yelled out loud, "there's a snake on the bush." Sure enough there was. Bob said, "I'm going to kill it and take it home to scare Jeanne." Mama told him in no uncertain terms that he was to leave that snake alone and fill his bucket.

Needless to say, the boys didn't mind Mama. Joe got two good size sticks and put one over the top of the snake and one under the branch it was on. I was sure Mama would hear the smacking together of the sticks but she had her head stuck down to the ground picking berries from the bottom of the bush. Joe hid the dead snake and made me swear I wouldn't tell Mama and I didn't.

We started home and had almost reached the top of the hill when I heard Mama scream, "Run for the fence fast." We looked back and a big black bull was gaining ground on us fast. Mama held the fence for us and we went through that fence like it didn't have a single barb on it.

I was sure glad to be home, with the scare of the murder and the rageing bull I just wanted to feel safe again. We entered the house before Mama and Jeanne was washing the dishes. I knew she wouldn't have them done. Joe stepped ever so quietly up behind Jeanne and held the stick out over her shoulder and said "Booh!" Jeanne looked around and saw that snake on her shoulder and screamed louder than I thought was possible. A plate went up in the air along with a lot of soap suds and came crashing onto the floor. In comes Mama. You can guess the rest, or maybe you can't. Mama asked Bob if he knew Joe brought the snake home and he lied and said no. When Mama asked me. I was afraid to lie so I said yes.

Now do you know the end of the story? No? Well Joe got yelled at for bringing the snake home. Bob, of course, didn't know he brought it home, and me? Well I got spanked for not telling Mama Joe brought the snake home.

I still can smell Mama's good Blackberry Cobblers and long for them, but I have never gone berry picking again.

Man, TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS!

Another Bob Story

I know I have already told you a Bob Story but one came to mind today that might explain why it takes Bob so long to think and talk.

When we were just little kids we all progressed at different times. Some of us talked and walked at different ages. Mom had five of us kids so I am sure she couldn't spend a lot of time with each one of us. Bob was the third kid, Jeanne being the oldest, then came Joe eleven months later. Boy, they were almost cose to be twins!

Anyway, on to the story of Bob. I didn't know there was anything wrong with Bob cause I was two years younger than Bob and I really don't know how smart I was at that age. All I knew at the age of three was the two older kids made fun of Bob and laughed at him a lot. I never heard anything out of Bob about it which brings me finally to the gest of my story.

One Sunday morning we were all around the breakfast table waiting on Mama to sit down so we cound dig into the bacon and eggs and biscuits with Mama's homemade apple butter. Mama said we could start without her cause she wanted to put the frying pan into soak.

All of a sudden Bob said, "Ma, you burned the biscuits". Then we heard a loud clang as Mama had dropped the heavy iron pan into the sink. She came running over to the table with water dripping from her hands and a startled look on her face. I saw Daddy look at her with surprise.

Mama put her wet hands on Bob's cheeks and looked him right in the eye. Mama said "Bobby", (that's what Mama called him when he was little) you said a whole sentence, why haven't you talked before?" Daddy said, "yes he's never said a word before and he is five years old!" Mama asked him again and waited to see if he would speak again.

Bob pulled Mama's hands away from his face and looked at Mama. "Well, Bob said, you never burned the biscuits before."

I suppose that's why Bob doesn't have much to say, and when he does it takes a long time for him to say it. Now I'm not saying anything was wrong with Bob but you can judge it as you may.

I'll sign off now and leave Bob alone for a while. I guess Bob might say this was just another of his Trials and Tribulations. Bye!

Trials and Tribulations

My brother Bob has always said he was going to write a book someday, but so far he has only been able to come up with the title "Trials and Tribulations". I always told him if he would record his stories that I would type them for him. I had better brush up on my typing because this is the first time I have typed on a computer and believe me it ain't like the typewriters I have used in the past.

Bob told me one day he was sitting on his front porch and a man came walking by and waived at him. Bob waived back. The man asked if he could come sit and visit with him a few minutes because he was the new preacher of the Friends Church and was trying to visit as many people in town as he could. Bob said, "sure, come on over and sit a spell."

Bob said they talked about the town of Galax and how he was born and raised there and left town several times but always came back. Bob said the preacher was quiet for a minute and then turned to Bob with a serious look on his face. He asked the preacher if everything was alright.

"Oh yes" he said with a smile. "I sometimes take on a serious look, I've been told, when I am worrying about someone's walk with the Lord". "Bob, do you ever think about the Here After?"

Bob said he thought for a minute. Bob's minutes are longer than the average and he talks slower than that. Bob told me he told the preacher he thinks of the here after every day. He said the preacher looked surprised and said, "you think about the Here After every day. Why may I ask?"

"Well Sir," Bob said in his slow southern drawl, "Every day when I come out here on this porch, I ask myself, what did I come out HERE AFTER."

This is the end of one of Bob's trials and tribulations!

Fall Has Come Again

There are several ways I know when fall has arrived. For one, my old cat Charlotte yells at me to get her heating pad out of the garage and put it in her bed. Also, there comes the leaves making a mess all over the yard, not that I have to pick them up any more, but they do make my allergies worse. I know when I feel the pounding pressure in my head and I have to get out the nose spray fall has arrived. And then there is the arrival of my good "friend" and neighbor, Sylvia, back from a not so long enough summer in her California home. I shouldn't talk nasty about her "bless her heart", not that I could possibly get a word in edge-wise when she is around. I don't mind talking - uh, I mean listening, to her but she feels compelled to tell me every detail of all the charity work she has sweated over for the entire summer. She does admit, under her breath, that she didn't do it ALL by herself. Once in a while she will change the subject long enough to ask me if anything gossipy has happend while she was away, but before I can get out three words she is cutting in again to tell me about something that she did, not knowing how she could have possibly forgot to tell me. I will have the good fortune to have her around until Spring. Oh, how I like to see an early spring. Oh, good readers, have I told you that FALL HAS COME AGAIN? See you later.

Two Little Ducklings

I have a lot of fond memories of my Daddy, but one particular one I will share with you today. On my thirteenth Easter I acquired two little white ducklings. How I got them is a whole nother story for a later date. I cared for them and fed them every day just as I had promised my mother. One Sunday morning, not quite one year later, I was in the back yard feeding them and carring on a conversation with them and thinking they must be talking back because of all the quacking when I saw my Daddy come out the back door and sit down beside me on the grass. He said, I can tell you love these ducklings very much." I smilled and answered that they make me very happy. He told me to get a wash tub from the shed and bring it to him, then he said bring me the water hose. He filled the tub to the brim. I was worried Mama would come out the door and scole Daddy for wasting well water. Mom could get him told off sometimes like she did us kids. Anyway, Daddy then picked each duckling up very carefully and put them in the tub. Well, you should have heard them quacking loudly and flopping their wings in the water. I had never heard them so happy. I told Daddy we should do this every Sunday. Daddy looked at me for a moment and told me if I truly loved them I should not be selfish and let them go. I guess Daddy saw a tear whelling up in my eye because he put his arm around me and said, "Sandy, there are times when you have to let something go that you love very dearly in order for them to move on with their lives. "You won't forget them and they won't forget you. Some people might have thought my Daddy wasn't very caring for us kids because he didn't talk a lot and he didn't brag on us kids. Anyway I use to think that but as I look back, I had a wonderful Daddy and a valuable lesson about letting go of someone you love so they can grow.

Pokadot Dress

I remember when I was four years old and my Mama was in the hospital with my new baby sister. All the rest of us kids were born at home, but I guess they wouldn't let small children come into the hospital. I wanted to wear my red and white pokadot dress that Mama made. It had a pretty little pocket with lace around it on the chest and it buttoned down the back. My granny put my dress on backwards which put the pocket on my back and it buttoned down the front. I cried so hard I was gasping for air. My granny told me to "dry-up". That meant to stop crying. Well, we walked down town but my granny had to pull me along. I didn't want my Mama to see me with my dress on backwards. She told me later she saw that it was on me backwards, but that didn't matter to her because she could recognise my pretty face in anything,and everything would be alright. I was okay again thanks to my loving Mama.

Trees

read a blog the other day about how important trees are in this person's life. I couldn't figure out how a tree could be so life long important. I thought about it a little while, and all of a sudden it came to me. When I was a little girl just five years old a tree made my world wonderful. We had lived in a little apartment behind my Dads place of employment and we had no yard and no trees. My sister and I would try to sneek over to a ladie's house behind us. She had a very large yard, probably the largest I had ever seen, and it had a lot of trees. She would see us out there and would tell her dogs to run us off. We would go running home and settle for playing in the junk car lot beside our little apartment. Sometimes we would get nails in our foot, we never wore shoes in the summer time. Then one day Mama and Daddy drove us to a house that sat on a big hill and had lots of grass and trees. To my surprise they said we were going to live there.



I remember thinking about all that grass and the many trees. I had one favorite tree. It had little green things hanging on it, and I asked my Mama what they were. She said they were apples and would be very good to eat and can for the winter.
I ran as fast as I could and told my little sister we could eat apples. Well after eating about ten of those little green things,we ran to Mama and told her we had a bad tummy ache. She said we were supposed to wait til the apples turned red .Well,to make a long story short,I still have fond memories of trees.




















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Beginnings

For starters I don't know what I am doing. Can you tell yet? It's hard to put my thoughts down when I have to learn to type all over again. My neck is already killing me,but I am determined to master this. Oh my, Wendy just put pancakes in front of me. Have to cut the beginnings short. Talk to you later.